Background

For many leaders part of their success comes from effectively managing relationships with others within their organisation. But many operational managers struggle with the subtle and intangible political and strategic approach that can be essential. N has been identified as a potential senior leader but he has recently been passed over for a promotion.

The Process

Very quickly it was clear that N’s feelings about his new boss were affected by anger, which affected his judgement. N would take any opportunity to challenge his boss. He described a recent board meeting that had been a set-back to him. He was also failing to engage his colleagues, who clearly saw N’s behaviour, and any allegiance to him, as risky.

We introduced the concept of Emotional Intelligence and focused upon raising N’s Self Awareness, and then his Awareness of Others. This would help him to avoid over –reacting – being emotionally ‘Hijacked’, and also help him to engage influentially with colleagues.

But we also needed a framework that N could build into his strategic thinking. We used a military metaphor to examine his behaviour in that recent, difficult board meeting. Some tough questions followed.

‘What was the likely outcome from an ‘attack’? Was this the right moment to ‘attack’ – or was it just an opportunity? Was a board meeting the right place to challenge his boss openly? Had he marshalled his resources, what was he hoping to achieve, what was his plan? What did he gain? Was it worth the expense, had N assessed his ‘allies’, were they aligned with him? Why did he need to ‘attack’ – could he have achieved his objective another way?’

‘Was this the hill N wanted to die on?’ It was clear to N that he had made a tactical, and strategic blunder!

‘You always find these simple phrases that make the point so clear…. the thing I’m getting from this is to learn to really challenge myself.’

The Outcomes

Using Emotional intelligence we raised N’s self awareness and self management capability, and his awareness and influence of others.

To raise his strategic awareness N’s was to read and reflect upon The Art of War, by Sun Tzu, written in China over 2000 years ago. This explores the guidance, thinking and behaviour for the commander of an army, where the principles include ‘Know yourself and know your enemy’, and ‘Outwit the enemy, don’t outfight him’- Win without fighting!

There is a powerful, significant cross over between the two apparently different approaches.

L’s business has grown significantly thanks to her raw energy, but there was now a need to take her skills to the next level. In a young business, used to reacting quickly, there was a culture of ‘burn out’. L was certainly on that continuum! Could L and this culture adopt a more planned approach?

The Process

I asked L what her plan was for the session. ‘I’d like to tell you about some of the things that have happened’. L had a note book open in front of her but with no written notes or agenda, there was no evidence that she had actually prepared for our session. L chatted away, and after a few minutes I stopped her.

‘Have you got a plan for this session? It looks like you are doing this from memory and don’t have a plan or list prepared.’

Well, I don’t really have one but…‘I’ve got so much to do, I had even considered postponing this session,…. my head is full of things …and I have to remember so much…things just keep coming at me… I’m reactive and I’d really need to be getting ahead of things.’

I had noticed that L also had a Blackberry and a diary as well as a note book and some scraps of paper, but none seemed to be consistently in use, so I wondered how L planned and monitored, noted and listed items and managed her diary. L seemed to be managing on energy, reactions and memory.

It was clear that L had no plan and was struggling with, time, priority, planning and preparing. Delegation was also identified as an issue – ‘I’m a perfectionist and I have to have control! We discussed what it was like to work in this way and L felt she needed to change.

We decided to make a start on the planning habit. I asked L to make a list of the tasks that were most on her mind, and test it against factors such as timing, importance, could it be delegated, re negotiated or resourced in a different way? And when it was written down, L noted that the list was smaller than it seemed in her imagination. Working through the immediate list she was able to decide how to approach each item. 

We explored her use of a diary, a single daily journal – not lists of loose paper, and a review at the end of each day to carry uncompleted items over, finding time to think and plan, prioritising and delegating.

The Outcome

When L’s ‘Director’ joined us for the close of the session, a joint discussion identified that his own planning and management of L was missing a few tricks. Together with her Director we again explored some simple planning skills, personal effectiveness, and delegation and engaged his support for L’s ongoing mentoring.

L and her director committed to developing their first business plan for her business unit within the next month.

L has recently left a significant international role with one of the UK’s most respected brands. In an initial telephone briefing he indicates that he is ‘looking to focus on my career direction and make a decision about my next career move’.

The Process

At our initial meeting L briefly describes his previous role and then moves to expand upon  his current situation and the immediate choices that appear to him.

In the confidentiality and honesty of the coaching conversation, L summarised his situation ‘I’m 36 years old and I haven’t defined myself!

In his education he followed his father’s advice and trained to become an accountant, but that was clearly not where he felt his future lay. He came to London ‘because everyone else was coming’. He is single, solvent, thoughtful and diligent. He owns property but shares a flat, and is also reserved and modest in his personal presentation. It is noticeable that he is feeling flat, he rarely smiles during our conversation, and he is not enjoying London, and hates the weather and is looking to move abroad.

Discussing the opportunities that L claims to be considering, his presentation displays modesty and a lack of challenge and ambition in his vision for his future. This seemed at odds with the scope and achievement of his most recent role. There was a sense that, for the time being at least, L had decided what he was going to do.

Further discussion of L’s previous role reveals his skills and true capability yet also underlined the lack of clarity and modesty in his ambition for his future. It is clear that there is work to do in helping L define himself.

Yet at every opportunity to explore options L stalls the conversation, and closes the conversation, it becomes ’hard work’ to engage and L appears ever more decided upon his direction.

The Outcomes

We had a frank discussion about expected outcomes and the ‘chemistry’ between us.

From the coaches point of view, the interpersonal chemistry was not ‘strong’ and there was a lack of engagement by L that indicated that L’s mind was settling upon a choice about his next move, if it was not already made up. Even though there were longer term issues to face L seemed to be clearer about his immediate future.

The conversation had not actually addressed the greater goal of helping L to define himself and focus his career direction; but it had perhaps helped him to decide his short term future.

We decided to conclude the coaching project.

But…I think we should be clear about what we actually mean and what is required. Within organisations we talk about ‘teams’, implying a sense of cohesion, that there is a ‘singularity’ about an identifiable group, that they have a common purpose. ‘Teams’ and ‘Groups’ are words that are often used interchangeably, indeed academic definitions of a Group might also define the Team.

So for the purposes of this discussion let us consider 3 broad scenarios where coaching is considered as part of the development portfolio:

A real ‘Team’

All members have clear, inter-dependent roles, common or joint objectives, common skills and shared attitudes. The team could share responsibility for managing themselves. The performance of the whole team depends upon cooperation, integration, synergy and communication. A team may also have timescales within which performance is required; they may share a geographic location and resources, uniformity, common language and customs. An example of such an organisational team could be a project team, perhaps a sales team, but a further example could be a sport team – a group of people working towards a common goal.

In this scenario the development focus could be balanced between the building of the wider team and the skills of the individual and subgroups – the value of the whole team being greater than the sum of the parts!

The coaching direction may broadly prioritise development for the team as a whole, supported by specific sub team or individual coaching.

Diffuse ‘Group’

This could describe a group who tend to work separately and are not ‘inter-dependent’ for their individual performance, but may have similar roles, rank and status. Whilst they may share a common overriding objective, this group are not bound together by that common purpose. More likely each is individually responsible for a part of the whole and likely to be focused on a more immediate objective, perhaps where there is clear delegated responsibility. This description might apply to a Board, HR business partners or regional managers.

It is within this broad scenario that there is the greater need for clarity. This group could be described as team, suggesting that the coaching focus should be on the team. I suspect that particular needs may be better addressed at the individual level, developing skills from varied individual starting points and attitudes, rather than a ‘one size fits all’ or ‘Team Building’ approach designed for a team.

With the coaching direction more appropriately focused upon the individual, leadership and delegation skills, strategic thinking, emotional intelligence would be part of the potential skill development set.

Individual coaching

This is the simplest and most frequent format for coaching, addressing the particular needs of an individual.

The coaching direction is absolutely focused upon the needs of the individual, unlocking and maximising their potential at the time.

I focus on coaching for individuals on a ‘one to one’ basis. I also provide coaching for diffuse groups, where the coaching is delivered at a one to one, individual level, addressing the diverse development and support needs to bring each person towards their potential.

I am cautious about providing coaching for a team as a unit, I believe that the skills and approach for coaching a real team are different from those required to coach an individual.

When actually unpicked, what may be presented as ‘Team Coaching’ may actually be ‘individual coaching within a diffuse group of people’. I suspect that many a supposed ‘team’ may be better addressed as a diffuse group or a number of individuals. I would suggest that in almost every situation when I have been asked to ‘coach a team’, that the real solution is ‘coaching for individuals’!

It is possible that the ‘groups’ of people labelled as ‘Teams’, may not be teams at all but could be diffuse groups of people who share a common description, and that the coaching solutions for a true Team,  for a diffuse Group, and for an individuals are all significantly different.

We had completed our first coaching conversation about 3 weeks ago and were meeting for our second session.

The first meeting had been a great boost to C’s confidence. Finding himself in a role where he was not succeeding had adversely affected his self confidence. He had forgotten all his earlier, extraordinary career achievements, being reminded daily about his current challenges. The first coaching session restored a degree of objectivity. He realised how far his self esteem and morale had declined and he resolved to reflect on these realisations before our second session.

The Process

We met for our second session.

C reported that he had discussed the first session and its consequences with his wife. Apparently this honesty and depth of discussion had enabled them to review their relationship and had a significant impact, improving their relationship, further enhancing C’s morale.

He had sustained his improved confidence and had been able to reflect upon his decision making and attitude, revealing several further insights.

Realising that his current position was not going to change and that he was not going to be able to continue his role in the longer term, he recognised that a decision was required and that he would have to make a plan.

He told me early in the second session that he has decided to resign his position and to leave the company as soon as possible; he had yet to notify his employers.

We examined the impact of his decision. C had clearly taken several significant actions as part of a developing plan to change his situation, including his current job, his career direction and other areas of his life. C reported that he was feeling calm and confident, that he had a feeling of preparedness for what might happen, that he was feeling ‘balanced’ and even courageous.

The Outcomes

In the privacy, honesty and confidentiality of the coaching sessions, C had explored his situation. He had been challenged to see himself in a different light, to reassess his self worth, and had rediscovered the basis for his confidence and courage. He had been honest with his partner, gathering her support and opened up their relationship.

C had then been energised, with a renewed clarity of purpose,

He had already begun the search for another role and in early interview conversations he had identified several new opportunities.

Later, after being surprised to receive C’s resignation,  but recognising the extent of C’s situation, the employer acknowledged that this was a ‘Win/Win’ for all concerned.

Within minutes of the start of our first conversation, I’d had to challenge my coachee L because of her rude behaviour and attitude to the session. My challenge created a shocked, and then a very emotional reaction.

L responded very well and the remainder of the first session was immensely effective, L sought to understand her own behaviour and its effect upon me, asking many questions and opening up her thoughts. The first session had a very positive conclusion.

As we approach our second session I wondered what would have changed in the meantime.

The Process

For our second meeting, I was greeted warmly at the reception desk where L was already waiting for me. She walked me through her work area and past her colleagues, in contrast to our first meeting when we had used a secluded meeting room. I began to sense that things were very different!

I asked L to bring me up to date. ‘Well, that session was a big shock, it really made me stop and think!… I realised how I was coming across’

So what have you been doing differently?

‘I’ve really tried to be more thoughtful,… I’ve been apologetic,… I’ve been asking questions ….and listening, I’ve even been working on my self-worth – I’ve been to the gym and had some ‘me time’. I’m eating better, and I’m not drinking during the week. …I’ve been leaving work on time too – sometimes!’

The Outcomes

She reported that people had recognised an immediate change in her behaviour. Her boss and the managing director had already remarked to her – directly.

L was now delegating tasks to her team, focusing on the opportunity to develop and challenge their skills. L had noticed that her team would refer to her when she was at her desk, so she was considering moving her workstation away from her team of reports to encourage them to decide things for themselves.

Having stopped herself from micromanaging her team and doing the fun tasks herself, L now used that time to walk round the office, to connect with colleagues and meet with her stakeholders and internal customers. This enabled her to improve her workload planning and manage her customer’s expectations.

It was clear that L’s behaviour had changed significantly, she was polite and thoughtful and considerably more self aware, she was even able to notice that she was interrupting me when I was speaking – for which she apologised. Through her increased self awareness and reflection L had started to understand the roots of her own behaviour and the impact of key relationships in her early life.

I recently had an important ‘retest’ on my motorcycling ‘Instructor’ skills. This is not the most important thing in my life and nothing hugely significant happens if I pass or if I fail. I’m not a ‘full time professional’ trainer, so my career doesn’t depend upon it.

Nevertheless I wanted to pass the retest, personal pride mainly,  and it wouldn’t be too good it I did fail as ‘word would get round’ about it. So it is fairly important.

As I began the test I had all the usual signs of nerves! Tightness and dry mouth, rushed speech, pulse, sweaty palms, lack of clear thinking, feelings like panic. Yet I have played this role many times and ‘trained and  tested’ others on it.

Out on the bike and riding I relaxed a bit. But I was aware of the tension in my back, arms and legs which translates into stiff movements and a jerky ride; not looking far enough forward down the road to see what is going on, and therefore a lack of planning.

Part of the retest is to ‘debrief the rider’ where I have to observe, identify, analyse and offer instruction on the ‘rider’s’ ride – the rider being the examiner in a role play, acting out a typical riding style and its errors.

I could see the ‘errors’.  I started my debrief with confidence and authority, but my normal ‘coaching’, questionnning style has gone! I was clearly in ‘Tell’ style, perhaps because I wanted to make sure the examiner knew that I knew the answer. Not too good. It’s so easy to lose the plot when the stress and tension, and narrow ‘Task’ focus takes over.

The next bit of the test was a review of my own ride. And in this section I learned that concentration could drop in an instant.

We rode through a complex junction, I focused on the past, reviewing my progress through the junction we had just gone through – and I miss-read the next section of road.

So now I had several things to beat myself up about, and my mind was not focusing on the need to plan ahead (and forget the past!).

As we finished the test I got off the bike thinking that was a pretty shabby ride.

The examiner congratulated me on passing my test.

Stress had made me tighten up, I focused upon my errors and spoiled my concentration on the future. My style degraded to one where I was less effective, but still ’felt’ in control. Under stress, my performance was reduced, my perception of my own performance was significantly reduced, which only increased my stress and further reduced my performance.

There is something in this about ‘realistic self assessment’, and also about ‘goal, target and standard setting’.

Everybody makes mistakes, the ‘test’ is not about being ‘perfect’ (perhaps that’s my personal target) but in real life performance only has to be ‘good enough’.

And in my coaching practice, I see this happen time and time again.  We might start with an ‘Unrealistic self assessment’ ( too negative a view of ourselves), then we set ourselves unrealistic targets, and then we beat ourselves up for not achieving them.

Relax , it only has to be ‘Good Enough’!

During the initial ‘contracting’ conversation with the stakeholders – the employer, project sponsor and the coachee, I had suggested, as I normally do, that we pre-book all the coaching sessions and also include a spare date, just as a contingency. I suggested that we consider the ‘pace’ for the project by setting a regular interval between the sessions. This should strike a balance between the needs of planning and managing diaries, retaining focus and concentration between sessions whilst allowing time for practice, reflection and experimentation but without unduly disrupting the coachee’s business.

We arranged a series of four sessions but my coachee, T, had been somewhat reluctant to commit to all the dates in advance preferring to arrange the sessions on a more ad hoc basis, dependent upon his ‘workload’. Looking back now I can see that this was not a good indicator. In almost every project I undertake my coachees are looking for pace, impact and immediate results.

As we got into the series so, we found ourselves repeatedly fixing, postponing and then rescheduling the session dates only to be postponed again at short notice. I had begun to feel disconnected from my coachee.

During one of these extending intervals between the now infrequent and irregular sessions, I learned that T had reported himself ill and was to be ‘signed off’ work for the next four months.

Upon his return to work, after several months’ absence T and I met to catch up, to review our coaching project and decide what to do next. In our discussions several key learning points were identified.

T had had a ‘nervous breakdown’ , the possible causes were discussed but we then reflected upon the indicators that could have been noticed at an earlier stage, I was particularly interested to explore the factors that as a coach I could have noted, reflected and fed back or responded to in a different way that might have been helpful.

T suggested that perhaps the only thing that he felt I could have done differently was to ‘insist’ and assert that we should stick to the pre-arranged dates and to resist the rearrangement.

By rearranging and cancelling sessions L was clearly disengaging as his condition developed and I can recall feeling that this was very unusual. I can understand, and even plan for one session to be postponed but in this case several sessions were repeatedly rearranged.

I feel I have learned to be clearer about holding the coachee to their part of the contract- their commitment and engagement is a prerequisite of success, and if it reduces then, as the coach, I should consider a response.

L’s boss is avoiding her, he finds her insecure, brash, needy and demanding of his attention, he’s tried several different approaches but nothing seems to work. L doesn’t delegate effectively, works very long hours, her team reportedly find her difficult and there have been complaints from her clients. Yet she is highly ‘results focused’ and her division’s results have improved substantially since she has been responsible. Despite her results, her behaviour is now seen as ‘career limiting’.

The Process

We have an initial discussion on the phone and L is very keen to engage. In our first meeting L is tense; she walks me quickly to the nearby coffee shop and walking in front of me, leads me back to the office. She eats her breakfast as we sit down to begin our meeting. She wants to know how much the fees are for these session, and what was the brief I was given by HR.

A very clear and powerful ‘first impression’ is created. I give L some immediate feedback on how she has made me feel and react to her. I felt that she was rude and self absorbed. This immediate challenging feedback seems to give her some pause for thought.

We restart our conversation and move to discuss L’s objectives. ‘I want to be a better person, I know what I’m supposed to do – I just don’t do it, I need to get into shape’. L is now calmer, receptive, open but also emotional.

We explore her career story and her family background. L has been brought up in a high achieving international family. Her father set a powerful example of a particular work ethic. Hard and authoritarian bosses have shaped her leadership style. Her career experiences are powerful but limited in their scope and variety. L’s style, modelled upon these examples appears limited and inflexible. Her rigid view of how things work conflicts with the UK culture and that of her employer.

‘I focus on profitability at the end of the month…I’m money- focused….I’m not good a t making small talk with people….I can’t get people to work weekends…’

At its core is a belief that a focus on the task, measured by profitability is the key to her future success – the model that appeared to work for her father and her significant career bosses.

The Outcomes

A clear and very effective rapport has been established, with L being confronted with the impact of her behaviour. The key moment in this coaching session was the challenging and direct feedback given at the start of the conversation. It was the moment when the coachee had to decide whether to engage or not. Challenge and ‘saying it as you find it’ is an essential part of the coaching skill set.

Our first, emotional session concluded with L agreeing to some homework tasks before our next session. L left the session apparently determined to make substantial changes.

K is highly talented as a professional, and has just been appointed to his first Director level role. New to the organisation, HR are keen to develop him but have some concerns when several of his immediate reports leave and he has to rebuild a new team quickly.

The Process

Agreeing a ‘contract’ and passing the ‘Chemistry test’ we review K’s story to date and discuss his current situation. His confidence has taken a dive. K is feeling uncertain and somewhat defensive following some 360 feedback, he is still having some issues with one or two of his direct reports. He hasn’t had any leadership training and no experience of leading a large team. He has been working long and hard, but the ‘numbers’ are looking very good as he is clearly achieving results.

We start to examine some of the incidents that have occurred and explore how K has approached these situations. Challenging questions give K pause for thought.

A particular moment occurs when discussing leadership and K was asked ‘How do you like to be managed’ K paused and considered for several moments. Mmm a very good question…I’ve never really thought about it… mmmm ….I see!

We also discuss how K manages his boss and how his boss manages him. And we also examine how K’s fellow directors see him. ‘Mmm …I think they would say I’m not interested if it is not in my domain!’

Exploring the growing realisations, K is asked to recall someone who is a good leader: ‘Oh he is knowledgeable, has a vision and can communicate it and inspire people’. Thinking of another example, he lists qualities such as ‘energetic, passionate, fun, connected, interpersonal, positive and results focused’.

In the light of the 360 feedback K is then asked to reflect upon his own style. The insight is immediate and K notes how focused he is upon the ‘task and ‘detail’, to the exclusion of concern for the individual.

The Outcomes

We move on to review several models including Emotional Intelligence and Transactional Analysis, and Action Centred Leadership, and ‘personal effectiveness’ and with some more reading materials to research K is keen to get going.

Between our sessions he set about ‘listening’ to his team, consulting and seeking consensus – albeit in a very ‘task oriented’ way, still not quite ‘listening’ to the responses or being patient to allow change to happen.

K has energy, a thirst for knowledge and a drive to use it. He is exploring alternative styles to ‘Task’ management and developing the patience to wait for changes to occur. He is beginning to appreciate the subtleties and complexities of leadership. Our sessions continue.